It's always about 1:00, 1:30 AM when I hit my last stride of the night. Especially when I have excruciating cramps and am cursing my womanly ways. Girly ways. I hate calling myself a woman. In my mind, I'm still a kid. I'm 24. That's not old! I'm 24, hopelessly single, in love with fictional characters or real people who I will either never meet or never have a chance with (eg NHL players - I've met many an NHL player, or Lee Pace. Oh, Lee Pace, I do love you so...)
1:30 AM is also about that time where I begin to suffer from some...self doubt, I guess. It's that time of night where I read back my work from the day, browse through Goodreads and Publishers Weekly to keep abreast of what's new in the world of fiction (my competition, LOL), check out AbsoluteWrite, hide my student loan bills, and bite my fingernails worrying about whether or not I'm good enough, whether my manuscript is good enough, whether any idea I come up with is good enough to make it.
And then sometimes I find videos like this. I get inspired and find hope and try and forget for a few minutes my overwhelming sense of failure and having a disastrous life. I do what I do because I love it. Just like why I got a Masters Degree in a subject I love and now cannot find a job in no matter how hard I try. Just like why I spent thousands of my father's money to go to Japan to live with Japanese people and learn to like cow's tongue. Just like why I set out to write a book and hopefully get an agent and get it published.
My book brings me joy - the joy of knowing YES I CAN! And YES I DID I guess now that I've got a second draft on my hands ready to go through the ringer again. I have no expectation in my life that this will be some ground breaking work. I'll honestly be content with people telling me they like what I have to say. And that girls being strong willed and feisty is perfectly okay.
Watch this and reflect on it, and remember, you are AMAZING. Everyone, no matter their skills or abilities, is amazing.
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